There is almost an unlimited list of things one can do to NOT get along with people. However, the confines of this article are limited to the book of Proverbs. Again, with thirty-one chapters in view a quite lengthy list could be given. With this said, let us limit ourselves still further to some of the “Do not…” phrases in relationship to others. Here are ten ways not to get along with people:
#1 – Withhold good from those in need. Even though Proverbs 3:27-28 says, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,’ When you have it with you,” it is always best to hold on to what you have because you never know when you will get another blessing from God. After all, if they really knew how hard you worked for your money they wouldn’t ask to begin with. Let them manage their own finances better. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
#2 – Devise evil against them. Even though Proverbs 3:29 says, “Do not devise evil against your neighbor…”, God only knows the hardship I have to put up with having to live next to them with their unsightly yard, loud music and barking dogs. Even though, “We are ambassadors for Christ” (2 Cor. 5:20), it’s possible to go too far with this Christianity thing. God would understand. And after all, the devil made me do it.
#3 – Be contentious and argumentative. Even though Proverbs 3:30 says, “Do not strive with a man without cause, if he has done you no harm,” it is important to set people straight. With all the ignorance and misinformation in the world, God would want me to correct as many people as possible from their political opinions to their choice of outfits. Afterall, everyone knows the more you correct people the closer to heaven our little corner of the world becomes. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it.
#4 – Seek to oppress people around you. Even though Proverbs 22:22 says, “Do not rob the poor because he is poor, nor oppress the afflicted at the gate…”, everyone knows this is a dog-eat-dog world. Someone has to rise to the top. Why not let it be me?
#5 – Lie about people. Even though Proverb 24:28 says, “Do not be a witness against your neighbor without cause, for would you deceive with your lips?”, the truth is hard to come by so guessing and speculating about what one thought they saw or heard is good enough. After all, gossip is really research into the truth. To share what one knows or at least thinks he knows will be a benefit to everyone. In the end, we are really sharing information out of love and concern for others. Right?
#6 – Be vengeful. Even though Proverbs 24:29 says, “Do not say, “I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work,” justice is essential in the here and now because we don’t want people getting away with anything. Jesus’ lesson on turning the other cheek does not really match what I’ve been put through and I really believe that the Lord will condone what I have done. After all, didn’t the Lord run the money changers out of the temple? Therefore, I ought to be able to do the same with anyone who slights me or hurts my feelings. Jesus would understand. Letting your light shine only goes so far after all.
#7 – Be prideful. Even though Proverbs 25:6 says, “Do not exalt yourself in the presence of the king, and do not stand in the place of the great,” who is going to toot your horn if you don’t do it yourself? Modesty and humility are only ways to cover up good talents and brilliance.
#8 – Tell secrets. Even though Proverbs 25:9 says, “Debate your case with your neighbor, and do not disclose the secret to another…”, little juicy tidbits of information are too hard to keep. After all, the secrets I share may go a long way in helping that person with their problems. Yes, it may be embarrassing for them at the time but they will get over it and thank me for it later.
#9 – Be Boastful. Even though Proverbs 27:1 says, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth,” no one really hears what you have to say until you speak up. Since I have my whole life planned out and I know what I am going to do every step of the way, it would be good if I tell everyone. After all, I want people to follow me on my life’s journey so they will have an example of what true success really is. Deep down when people are quiet around me it shows they are interested in what I have to say. Right?
#10 – Forsake your friends. Even though Proverbs 27:10 says, “Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity,” people are really tools to be used to get a leg up in life. If people are not helping me to advance then what good are they anyway? After all, the most important thing is that I win in this game of life. The person with the most toys in the end wins. Right?
I hope these little tidbits of advice will help you not to get along with your neighbor because, after all, who needs them anyway? You have yourselves, so what else do you need?
P.S. — This article is satirical on how NOT to get along with people. Please do not send me hateful emails. Thank you.